These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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