singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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