i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
