There was a lot of him and a little penis
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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