my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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