i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
this just has baby written all over it
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
