My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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