I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
