I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
