whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
