We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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