twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
