The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
where am i from again
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
