Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
