i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
