If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
