It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
