I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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