y did u give ur computer a hand job?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
