you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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