I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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