omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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