Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You need a sexual gate keeper
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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