shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
