I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you inspire me to be a worse person
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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