it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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