she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
