how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
