Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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