Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
