Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
