i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
