FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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