i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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