this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
