I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
