just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
