Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You ruined the universe
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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