Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
