If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
