He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
