I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
