Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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