At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
