Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
