My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
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