someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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