apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
