Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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