Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We got so high we made milksteak
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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